Archive for February, 2009

A long time ago when I used to blog more regularly, I had a habit of posting song lyrics when I couldn’t come up with the right words to express myself. I think there is pretty much a country song out there for every situation under the sun. It’s probably cliche and silly and unnecessary and quite possibly illegal to post it, but I guess I really don’t care at the moment. I heard it on the radio the other day, and well, right now it pretty much just sums it up. For the few people who actually might read this blog, I hope you’ll forgive me for this one.

Rascal Flatts
What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doing it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Sometimes you think you have things well in hand; everything in your world is carefully organized, categorized, analyzed and just… well figured out. And then with sudden brutal clarity you realize that you really really don’t. Your carefully controlled picture of the world just crumbles. You are adrift. Unexpectedly and Inexplicably.

How does that happen? How do you get things just so wrong? How did you not realize and recognize the course you were on and it’s eventual destination? Where does this amazing capacity for self-deception and oblivious passivity come from?

More importantly… what do you do about it? Where do you go from here? What do you believe now?

How do you trust yourself?