slipwind

A long time ago when I used to blog more regularly, I had a habit of posting song lyrics when I couldn’t come up with the right words to express myself. I think there is pretty much a country song out there for every situation under the sun. It’s probably cliche and silly and unnecessary and quite possibly illegal to post it, but I guess I really don’t care at the moment. I heard it on the radio the other day, and well, right now it pretty much just sums it up. For the few people who actually might read this blog, I hope you’ll forgive me for this one.

Rascal Flatts
What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doing it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Sometimes you think you have things well in hand; everything in your world is carefully organized, categorized, analyzed and just… well figured out. And then with sudden brutal clarity you realize that you really really don’t. Your carefully controlled picture of the world just crumbles. You are adrift. Unexpectedly and Inexplicably.

How does that happen? How do you get things just so wrong? How did you not realize and recognize the course you were on and it’s eventual destination? Where does this amazing capacity for self-deception and oblivious passivity come from?

More importantly… what do you do about it? Where do you go from here? What do you believe now?

How do you trust yourself?

I love Mark Steyn. Yes, he does take his views to the extreme, but the point I really take from this article, and what I whole-heartedly agree with, is that for every knee-jerk reaction to the crisis-of-the-moment, there are unintended and potentially disastrous consequences.

The biofuels debacle is global warm-mongering in a nutshell: The first victims of poseur environmentalism will always be developing countries. In order for you to put biofuel in your Prius and feel good about yourself for no reason, real actual people in faraway places have to starve to death. –Mark Steyn

Feed your Prius, starve a peasant

Okay, so I know that’s taking it a bit–a large bit–far, but I do wonder what the consequences, both nationally and globally, are for our current hyper-reactivity to the global warming “crisis.” I don’t think there is should be any argument that our climate is changing. It’s always changing. Every year, every century, the Earth’s climate changes. I mean, we had snow yesterday… in late April! What I find very troubling about all the chatter on global warming is that not too long ago–perhaps 30 years–everyone was convinced that the world was headed straight for another ice age. Just exactly how much more advanced is our understanding of how climate change occurs now? The debate on the issue is just not settled. And anyone who is not willing to at least engage in a discussion obviously has some other interests to protect. (At least that’s what it seems like to me.)

Is reducing the amount of pollution we put into our atmosphere a good thing? Yes. Is investing in alternative energy sources a good investment for our future? Absolutely. But we need to be responsible in our approach. To me, responsibility means taking time to analyze new technologies and what impact large-scale utilizations of them will have. Next year at about this time, I imagine the polar ice caps will still be more frozen than not, and the ice on our beloved lakes will have gone out as usual. My point being that we have time to figure it out. This is not a “crisis” that needs to be “solved” in the next decade, especially when the potential solutions could have consequences much more immediately harmful than the problem.

So last night was kinda fun. I managed to go out to three different places and not get home until past midnight. Not bad for a school night! Eric was up for the weekly trip to the office, which naturally was followed by all of us going to the Don’s for margaritas, chips and salsa. Usually we spend a couple hours discussing work and how wonderful it is, but last night was pretty short. No one seemed like talking to much and we didn’t stay long. I think the unpleasantness of our current work environment is getting to us. It’s not good when you can’t even get up the energy to bitch and complain. Not a good sign at all.

After the DP, Cutshy and I chilled at DB for a while before deciding coffee was too stimulating. We determined that to balance things out we required some fancy martinis. So we headed off to the Loop, sending mass txts along the way in the -usually- vain hope that we could persuade a number of friends to join us.

Fortunately we were in luck.  Adam, Pablo, Eric, Amy, Dave B, Aaron S, Viktoria and Chad all swung by (in that order too) .  Had some martinis, talked about random crap and capped the evening by playing coaster football.  All in all a good night.

I think this is supposed to be a lucky day is it not? Hundreds of couples all over the place getting married today in a hope that their marriage will somehow be more blessed because of it… well more power to them I guess.

I was reading my last post here, and it was about how I haven’t posted here in a very long time. Which kinda throws me off because I was intending on posting about how I haven’t posted here in a very long time… crap. Am I that unorginal? Probably. Just call me the broken record I guess. Which actually wouldn’t be that strange a description… speaking about my life at least. Seems like I’m just going around and around not really getting anywhere but making the same mistakes over and over. So yeah, the broken record, that’s me.

I think probably the hardest thing I’ve been dealing with lately is a lack of confidence in my own decision making ability. Anyone who knows me knows that I completely over analyze pretty much every important situation I find myself in… in the past I’ve been pretty comfortable with the choices I’ve eventually made… but I just don’t know anymore. I’ve been really questioning whether the things I’ve done have been right, or whether I’ve just been to weak or scared to make a tougher choice. This. is not. a. good. thing. It puts me in a place where I just never want to act at all. Maintaining the status quo seems the safest bet these days. Of course there really isn’t much joy or excitement in life when you’re too afraid to rock the boat.

For me the biggest fear is capsizing the “boat” I guess. If it’s all you have, and it’s the only thing keeping you afloat, should you risk it???

I don’t know… but I’m tired of metaphors for now. I’ve got some tough choices to make. My guess is I’ll wait too long until they are made for me… again.

But hey, that’s life man!